last night was a bloody beating. i was restless in bed and mainly stared at the ceiling and tearing up a bit. do you remember the very first night you told me you loved me? and that, yes, you wanted to have my children, and no, i could not have cats :) i miss the sound of your steady breathing and the odd positions you sleep in. i relished the fact that you were never jealous of my winnie the pooh and didnt take offense to me choosing to wrap my arms around him at night instead of you like the others did. i cherished the way you amatively touched my collarbone, because it was your favorite spot to touch. i could tell you everything and you would confess too much. do you remember the morning i got off at petsmart at 7 am and you came over and giggled with me until we fell asleep at 11:45...and i had to be at work at 1? your my favorite giggling buddy. i feel at a loss. the late nights betray me.

its unsettling to know that my mother is leaving me. abandonment. here i am, once again, watching someones backside because theyre walking out the door.