god everyone around me is getting married. and that makes me nauseous. my time line is so far off kilter its not even funny. im a college freshman and im 21. <--thats depressing. people around me are graduating, following their loves off to other cities of interest, finding careers. and im stuck. in tarrant county. stuck. will i ever get out? i dont even know what i want to do. im taking speech centered courses but i cant even fucking write my STE speech for my tournament thats in 10 days. and i need 2 speeches. but, now im sort of questioning whether or not i shouldve changed my mind about psychology. im slammed with everything. maybe this was a bad idea. bills keep piling up, homework is up to my ears, and study groups and zachs going away party, and here i am once again trying to tread water without arms. i cant catch a break. maybe thats what life is. never catching a break. always fighting. to make bare minimum. i can feel the tears well up beneath my eyes as i type this, and i dont even have time to let them fall, because i dont even have time to write this. but here i am. back to the marriage stuff. i dont ever want to be married. never. no one will want to wake up to this face every day for the rest of eternity. they all just walk out. and the one person i know would never cheat on me, the one person that i trust will never betray me? thats not going to happen. "hes the exception to all of your rules" mabli says with a sly smile. dont tell me that as if i already didnt know. rules that i didnt break for casey (that was a month of infuriation in its purest form) or any other guy for that matter. rules that i intend to keep. because im sick of men promising me the high heavens and 3 carat engagement rings (which i dont even know what that is, nor do i want it) with the underlying tones of "youre just not worth it". im done.
bitch sounds funny coming out of yvonnes mouth. who does she think shes kidding anyway.
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