the reruns still give me chills.

school, work, school, work-6 days a week. its all becomes routine, i mesh well with it. day 7 is filled with sleep, home made breakfasts, fantasy football, naps, loving, pestering, giggling, wrestling. day 7 is my favorite. boys are pretty funny with their moods. they are directly affected by their teams wins and losses. "should i put mike wallace in or leave him on the bench?" if i tell you what to do with my uneducated answers and im wrong im going to get blamed. hahaha. this years been my happiest. there have been up up ups, and small downs. ive noticed a terrible pattern that i have. boys moods:sports; ashleys moods:boyfriends. those 5 years that we shared, me more than him, were dark. very very dark. ignorant. i wish i could say that i agreed with the phrase "ignorance is bliss", but i had very few, short, sporadic minutes of bliss. and now, im consumed with it. i try and bring myself back down, be realistic about this. its quite difficult. i hope its always like this. just carefree, happy, laughter. i find that i write less and poorly when im happy. i gain weight. i work harder. harder to prove something to someone. someone worthwhile. im loving life right now.